Cry somemore and you'll turn blind, Xiu Yi. Come on, cry cry cry. Cry till you go blind. The world doesnt need you -the Great Defender of the Human Race to judge it. You should jolly well die and save Earth's resources.
No one needs you, no one wants you. Your brother hit you, you called him a bastard, He invited you to f*** him. What are you living in, Xiu Yi. Go on, die, jump. The world does not like you. It hates you to the core. Your Dad ignored you when your brother hit you. You deserve it, don't you? You deserve to be hurt, to be in misery.
Your life is meant to be in misery. No happiness, no no nothing. You have to die. To die to seek solace in Death. You belong there, XIu Yi. You do. Nowhere but the great blue sky.
Stay and be hated. Leave and be forgotten.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Everybody's Changing Lyrics- Keane
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. We are friends no more.
There is a price to pay. This is the price you pay.
tomorrow, it shall all end. my misery shall be gone. i shall hurt no more, no more, no more, no more. you hear me?
There is a price to pay. This is the price you pay.
tomorrow, it shall all end. my misery shall be gone. i shall hurt no more, no more, no more, no more. you hear me?
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
It is me.
I am afraid.
I am alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night or rather,(well considering i only managed to sleep at 4)somewhere towards dawn, to find books falling over me from the bookshelf. If this wasn't odd enough, what about the moth that flew overhead on my way to the lift this morning.
I hope it is just me and not reading too much KOTC. XX didnt see it at all. How could this be? She was only a distance ahead of me, and the moth made distinct shadows around..
There were too many things on my mind last night,tossed and turned in bed, and images of the unimaginable kept coming before my eyes. I swore right then i wouldnt open my eyes and hugged the bolster even tightly. And then i felt for XX, and was glad she was warm and there. My only source of comfort.
I told XX it wasnt things that were haunting me. It is me.
I'm going mad. I'm going mad.
I am alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night or rather,(well considering i only managed to sleep at 4)somewhere towards dawn, to find books falling over me from the bookshelf. If this wasn't odd enough, what about the moth that flew overhead on my way to the lift this morning.
I hope it is just me and not reading too much KOTC. XX didnt see it at all. How could this be? She was only a distance ahead of me, and the moth made distinct shadows around..
There were too many things on my mind last night,tossed and turned in bed, and images of the unimaginable kept coming before my eyes. I swore right then i wouldnt open my eyes and hugged the bolster even tightly. And then i felt for XX, and was glad she was warm and there. My only source of comfort.
I told XX it wasnt things that were haunting me. It is me.
I'm going mad. I'm going mad.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Love
Love keeps me going,rolling,hoping. Ma, Pa, XX keep me going on in life. They showed me there's better ways to go on(with a little sarcasm of course, they still think I was stupid).
Hate inspired me to write this, but in a good way la. Hmm, I wonder if i should turn ruthless and fight for what i want in future? Or even turn fake and evil like those i detest? Well, NO WAY. Yeah, I'm gonna fight for what I want from today onwards with new heart and soul, in another direction. Since, I wont ever be recognised anyway. Gosh, I sound power-hungry, but who in this world not hope for some recognition for the things they have done?
And ahead of me lies another dilemma. Should I be going back to the very place I love and hate all at the same time. My parents and XX are furious and I bet they wouldnt want me going back. But deep in my heart I hesitate, I wouldnt want regretting it in future.OKay now, what the hell am I talking about?ARGH I NEED SLEEP..
I speak of yesterday's today. So it is the past. Will I ever be able to let go? Damn the monster. Things have changed forever. I hate her for inflicting such mental hurt to me. Forgiving is a question. Perhaps maybe one day, when I get senile and then I'll ask "Really ah, got this person meh?"
That day better come.
Speaking of this, I hope E will forgive me for the similar day one year ago, when i spoke such harsh words to her.
Thoughts are swirling and swirling in my head. I can't sleep(or was it the coffee just now?)I'm going Looney..Great i love Looney Tunes..
Hate inspired me to write this, but in a good way la. Hmm, I wonder if i should turn ruthless and fight for what i want in future? Or even turn fake and evil like those i detest? Well, NO WAY. Yeah, I'm gonna fight for what I want from today onwards with new heart and soul, in another direction. Since, I wont ever be recognised anyway. Gosh, I sound power-hungry, but who in this world not hope for some recognition for the things they have done?
And ahead of me lies another dilemma. Should I be going back to the very place I love and hate all at the same time. My parents and XX are furious and I bet they wouldnt want me going back. But deep in my heart I hesitate, I wouldnt want regretting it in future.OKay now, what the hell am I talking about?ARGH I NEED SLEEP..
I speak of yesterday's today. So it is the past. Will I ever be able to let go? Damn the monster. Things have changed forever. I hate her for inflicting such mental hurt to me. Forgiving is a question. Perhaps maybe one day, when I get senile and then I'll ask "Really ah, got this person meh?"
That day better come.
Speaking of this, I hope E will forgive me for the similar day one year ago, when i spoke such harsh words to her.
Thoughts are swirling and swirling in my head. I can't sleep(or was it the coffee just now?)I'm going Looney..Great i love Looney Tunes..
Today
Today, I stopped believing. Stopped believing in miracles, stopped believing in any strand of hope. I've stopped believing in myself.
Today. We had our GOH rehearsal for Senior Minister Goh gracing our 45th anniversay.
Today. We had training till 8pm.
Today. I beared with it from 1pm till 8pm.And most importantly,
Today. I knew about the truth. I knew about everything. I knew I had been an idiot, believing in miracles that would have never had happened. I endulged in fantasies that were never meant to be. I had hopes too high that could never be achieved. I land myself in misery, in grief. Or is it disappointment, or a mixture of jealousy and hate all at the same time?
Rui and Cliff got BUC. Jan and KW got SI. Out of everyone, why them? Why must it be my best friends? Why was I the last person in the whole squad to know? Why? Why didnt they realise I was upset? Why didnt they see the tears roll down my cheeks? Why did the night had to mask my tears and let them mistake it for the light?
yongchang says:
there are still things in life u can go out for
yongchang says:
one thing in life is u must learn to impress ur superior, but be humble to those who are equal to u.
I wanted to scream: What about me? What about my feelings? I DESERVED EVERYTHING THEY GOT. THEY DID NOTHING AND GOT EVERYTHING. JAN THE QUIET GIRL GOT THE HIGHEST POSITION EVER. SHE DID NOTHING AND PEOPLE THOUGHT SHE WERE GOOD.KW THE SLACKER DID NOTHING IN NP EVER. CLIFF THE NOT-MY-BUSINESS GOT BUC. OH MY WHAT IS HE? An IRREGULAR ATTENDING CADET??AND RUIYAN, MY BEST FRIEND? OR IS SHE? WAS SHE BEING NICE TO ME CAUSE SHE FELT GUILTY ABOUT GETTING HER POSITION? WHY DO THIS THINGS TO ME!! OH GOD WHY DO THESE THINGS TO ME??
I'm crying as though my heart would break. And I mean it. The tears just keep welling out and my face is cramping. My heart feels as though it's about to stop beating anytime. I just so wished none of these had happened, so I wouldnt feel so miserable. But truth has to slap me in the face and tell me " hey you did all of these of your own accord. you have no one to blame but yourself"
Oh God, I feel so heartbroken. I want to hate her but i can't. She's my best friend.While walking out of school just now, she saw my tears welling out and I lied to her when she asked, "What's wrong?" "Oh nothing, i am just so happy I wanna cry."
And cry I did. Rui didnt realise that she is the very reason I was crying about and was cracking jokes about me being les. I wanted so much to scream and run away but I couldnt. She is only but the innocent victor.
You know now, flashes of me running a race is being played in my mind. Rui is beside cheering me on, while I was tripping and struggling with those hoops I had to jump over. Just when I was about to reach the finishing line, Rui unknowingly emerged the victor. How ironic can things get? She who were there for me and unloyal to the award got the award eventually. But who am I anyway to comment so much on Justice. Justice only exist in courts, in murder cases. Even so every now and then innocent people get maligned into serving sentences for crimes they never commit.
Oh God when are you going to release me from this Jail of Life. This is one too many tests to take. I just wanna lie and sleep forever.
Today. We had our GOH rehearsal for Senior Minister Goh gracing our 45th anniversay.
Today. We had training till 8pm.
Today. I beared with it from 1pm till 8pm.And most importantly,
Today. I knew about the truth. I knew about everything. I knew I had been an idiot, believing in miracles that would have never had happened. I endulged in fantasies that were never meant to be. I had hopes too high that could never be achieved. I land myself in misery, in grief. Or is it disappointment, or a mixture of jealousy and hate all at the same time?
Rui and Cliff got BUC. Jan and KW got SI. Out of everyone, why them? Why must it be my best friends? Why was I the last person in the whole squad to know? Why? Why didnt they realise I was upset? Why didnt they see the tears roll down my cheeks? Why did the night had to mask my tears and let them mistake it for the light?
yongchang says:
there are still things in life u can go out for
yongchang says:
one thing in life is u must learn to impress ur superior, but be humble to those who are equal to u.
I wanted to scream: What about me? What about my feelings? I DESERVED EVERYTHING THEY GOT. THEY DID NOTHING AND GOT EVERYTHING. JAN THE QUIET GIRL GOT THE HIGHEST POSITION EVER. SHE DID NOTHING AND PEOPLE THOUGHT SHE WERE GOOD.KW THE SLACKER DID NOTHING IN NP EVER. CLIFF THE NOT-MY-BUSINESS GOT BUC. OH MY WHAT IS HE? An IRREGULAR ATTENDING CADET??AND RUIYAN, MY BEST FRIEND? OR IS SHE? WAS SHE BEING NICE TO ME CAUSE SHE FELT GUILTY ABOUT GETTING HER POSITION? WHY DO THIS THINGS TO ME!! OH GOD WHY DO THESE THINGS TO ME??
I'm crying as though my heart would break. And I mean it. The tears just keep welling out and my face is cramping. My heart feels as though it's about to stop beating anytime. I just so wished none of these had happened, so I wouldnt feel so miserable. But truth has to slap me in the face and tell me " hey you did all of these of your own accord. you have no one to blame but yourself"
Oh God, I feel so heartbroken. I want to hate her but i can't. She's my best friend.While walking out of school just now, she saw my tears welling out and I lied to her when she asked, "What's wrong?" "Oh nothing, i am just so happy I wanna cry."
And cry I did. Rui didnt realise that she is the very reason I was crying about and was cracking jokes about me being les. I wanted so much to scream and run away but I couldnt. She is only but the innocent victor.
You know now, flashes of me running a race is being played in my mind. Rui is beside cheering me on, while I was tripping and struggling with those hoops I had to jump over. Just when I was about to reach the finishing line, Rui unknowingly emerged the victor. How ironic can things get? She who were there for me and unloyal to the award got the award eventually. But who am I anyway to comment so much on Justice. Justice only exist in courts, in murder cases. Even so every now and then innocent people get maligned into serving sentences for crimes they never commit.
Oh God when are you going to release me from this Jail of Life. This is one too many tests to take. I just wanna lie and sleep forever.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Dear Blog
Dear Blog,
here i am again. Sorry that i only come here whenever i am flooded with feelings. This time i'm typing this with hot tears cruising down my cheeks? Why? Why should i bother?
Yesterday was Youth Day, a happy occasion, but things went topsy-turvy when Tiger broke the news to us. Another death of my classmate's parent. Let me start with me admitting that i dont feel any emotions stirring within me when i heard the news. After all, we were merely classmates, and not even close ones at that. I was once his Angel, but we were never close. So why am i affected?
Cause i am guilty. I am guilty that i treated my parents the way i am. Why must it always be this way- that something happens, and i feel bad, then i learnt my lesson, and i will change? I hate feeling this way!
Ivan Mat just had a quarrel with me. We were actually only discussing about the "big drama". But i told him that it wasnt the time to pinpoint who was actually really crying and not. And things go awry. Ivan turned back to call me the hypocrite.
It hurt.
here i am again. Sorry that i only come here whenever i am flooded with feelings. This time i'm typing this with hot tears cruising down my cheeks? Why? Why should i bother?
Yesterday was Youth Day, a happy occasion, but things went topsy-turvy when Tiger broke the news to us. Another death of my classmate's parent. Let me start with me admitting that i dont feel any emotions stirring within me when i heard the news. After all, we were merely classmates, and not even close ones at that. I was once his Angel, but we were never close. So why am i affected?
Cause i am guilty. I am guilty that i treated my parents the way i am. Why must it always be this way- that something happens, and i feel bad, then i learnt my lesson, and i will change? I hate feeling this way!
Ivan Mat just had a quarrel with me. We were actually only discussing about the "big drama". But i told him that it wasnt the time to pinpoint who was actually really crying and not. And things go awry. Ivan turned back to call me the hypocrite.
It hurt.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)