beyond words

I have been crying alot.

At least for the past 3 nights.

I am not being emotional, but having been hit by a series of incidents, I just couldn't help but break down..


It's tough being such a failure and having to hide all the unhappiness. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being such a hypocrite by appearing so strong and happy on the outside.

***


The heaviest thing weighing on my mind right now is G. G took 25 sleeping pills in the hope of ending everything. I was so foolish to have thought it was minor..after today's visit, I realised she really need us to be there.







To keep her sane.





That place was horrible..I was frightened just staying there for hours. People crying, wailing and hitting things on the other side of the room. What I really want right now is for her to get well and get out of the place.

I saw a side of G I never knew. I guessed she nearly had a relapse.


I felt so helpless, so worried then...

Why, why on earth did I not care for her earlier on? The day her dad passed on, she needed me. Why, of all days, did I choose not to reply her?

I'm so sorry that i wasn't there for you when you needed someone most..prolly more than what i will need in my whole life..