The Bird of Sorrow flies high indeed

I havent felt so bad for a long time. This feeling - it's like someone smashed your porcelain heart on the floor.

What is left is nothing. Not even the pieces. I cant even pick up the pieces.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I felt so bad after reading Grant's blog. All because this stupid mouth of mine had to shoot itself off. I just had to accuse him. All i wanted was to push the blame on someone else because i couldnt believe something like this would happen to me. Getting your gc stolen before the exam. (Read his 26th june entry for details. Sorry Grant.)

The GC was secondary, it was that shock that was really primary, if you get what i mean. I couldnt believe anyone was so evil to do this. First day of exams, right after the bell rung and approximately 15 minutes to exam, i realised my gc got stolen.

My mind went into a blank. Everything came to a standstill.

Having the exam jitters was enough. Being not prepared at all for exams unlike i used to be is another thing. But my gc?

In case the thief didnt know, i'm under the financial assistance scheme. Though i didnt pay the full cost for the gc, how was i supposed to fork out another $175 for it? Leave it to my mum? For god's sake she already had enough supporting the 5 of us at home.

And essentially, at that point of time, about 10 minutes left to exams, how was i to find another GC!? Thank goodness i braced myself on time and recalled that i used some GCs during PAE and managed to get borrow it from the Math Department.
(Another) in case the thief didnt know, he/she could have sought a teacher if he/she forgot to bring his GC. Apparently, that didnt occur to the thief. What is it made these PJC students so..senseless? I thought i was bad enough, until yesterday my friend told me his friend's chinese dictionary got stolen before the MT exams.

But the harm was done. Not only i was affected, i dragged a few other people in too. Take my sister for one, Grant another.


Actually i didnt know i affected Grant that much. I broke down after reading his blog just now because of many factors. Perhaps to a certain extent the diction he used, but mainly because i dragged him down. He probably screwed up his exams as much as i did. Because the following day, i got reprimanded by the almighty VP for "creating an opportunity". How comforting was that before my Econs exams? Plus the stress from my parents, who wanted the thief dug out and the truth exposed to the whole school. They called the office and demanded something to be done. Meanwhile i was sandwiched in between the school,who refused responsibility for the whole incident, and my fuming parents. If only the VP announced the incident(that's the least my parents wanted, he called it "childish"), it'd have prevented another one from happening. But alas...

For some inexplicable reason, i couldnt take the incident out of my mind for the rest of the week.

Isn't it funny such a simple incident had such dire consequences?






How i wish my brother understood how important this exam was to me. How i wish i said sorry that night 2 years ago. How i wish he'll ever speak to me after that incident.

How i wish i didnt have to scream at him to switch off his blasting music during exams.





Goddess of Yesterday, hear my cry. Be with me. Be also my Goddess of Tomorrow....


i knew i was losing him...why should i bother to even think about it? do i have the right to?